I stumbled across a podcast a couple days ago that intrigued me. It’s called Happy Hour by Jamie Ivey. I’ve been really into podcasts for the last 9 months or so. When I’m working out, I’m either listening to a podcast or a training call. Feel like I’m killing two birds with one stone. Give it a try. (You can subscribe to our blog and you’ll get a list of our favorites.)
Just in case you are curious, I stumbled across this podcast via an online bible study I’m enjoying called if.equip. Sorry boys, but it’s definitely geared more towards the ladies. The basic structure is scripture reading, followed by a short 2-3 minute conversation between two women on that topic. All the women are great, but there are certain ones I find a little more interesting than others. When one catches my attention, I do a quick Google search to find out who they are. This is normal, right?? Anyway, this particular Google search on Janet Reeves led me to a podcast she’d recently been on…Happy Hour.
I was on the treadmill and decided to listen in and see what this was all about. What I found was two women chatting about life. That’s it. And you know what? I loved it!
I mean, how often to I crave a little girl time, but I don’t actually have the time for that girl time? Or maybe I do, but my girlfriends don’t. It’s hard! I have one group of girlfriends where if we’re able to get together once every other month we feel like we’ve conquered the world!
So this casual podcast actually felt like a Happy Hour…a couple of girls catching up on life. It was entertaining, but I also came away with a few gold nuggets. Here’s one.
Do you let your kids wallow?
Jamie was asking Janet about how to parent teenage daughters. When I think of teenage daughters, I think of three words. Emotional. Roller. Coaster.
Janet told her how in the first week of school, her 7th grader didn’t make the volleyball team (and ALL of her friends did) and her 10th grader didn’t make call backs in the play.
The very FIRST week of school started like this.
The question: How do you, as a parent, react when your kids face disappointment?
Janet said she decided to not only let her girls be sad, but to be sad WITH them.
Wow, I am HORRIBLE at this. I’m a total “suck it up”, “it’s not that bad”, “you’ll be fine” kind of a mom.
I’m aware of this and try to reign it it. But it definitely does not come naturally.
I blame a couple of things for this. =) If you’ve been around here at all, you know we love the Strengths Finder. One of my top strengths is positivity. So most of the time, I truly believe something good will come of disappointment. My mind naturally goes there and it seems logical to me.
The other thing is I dealt with tragic loss before I was a teenager. So in my mind, there really ARE worse things that could happen.
But what I need to continue to realize is just because things could be worse, doesn’t mean the disappointment doesn’t hurt.
So Janet told her girls they were going to be sad that night. She went and bought a big tub of icecream and they wallowed. (Apparently there is a whole episode dedicated to “wallowing” in the Gilmore Girls. Haven’t watched this series, but plan on righting this wrong.)
Janet’s philosophy: Tonight we eat ice cream and wallow. Tomorrow, we go out for breakfast tacos and it will be a new day. To quote her exactly, she said,
We can be sad and we can be disappointed, but it cannot be the end of our world. I think it is important to wallow with your kids, your teenage daughters, and their disappointments, but it’s also our role to lead them out of it.
There is so much that can be unpacked here, but it may depend on where your personality tends to lean. For me, I need to take time to wallow. I really need help because I had trouble even typing that. But I want my kids to be able to talk to me about anything. If I keep telling them “it’s not that bad”, they aren’t going to keep telling me about their problems.
Or maybe you are the opposite and you just love the wallow stage. Perhaps you linger there and it’s oozing out to your kids and those around you. Don’t force people to wallow with you when you should be out of it. It’s not fun. As Janet says, we also have the role to lead our children out of the disappointment.
A lot to think about. I’d love to go out for breakfast tacos with you and discuss it. But what really are breakfast tacos? I know it’s a Texas thing and Texans talk about it like the whole world knows what they mean. I feel like I’m missing out. The only thing I have in my mind is a breakfast burrito from Sonic and somehow I feel like that’s just not the same. I really love food so this is important to me.
The Challenge: Nothing concrete this time…just a little self evaluation. Do you allow those you love to be disappointed? Do you let yourself feel it with them? When disappointment strikes, do you have trouble moving on to a new day?
Shout out your thoughts below. We’d love to hear from you!